21st century dating: Is it tacky for a woman to carry her own condoms?

May 02, 2011 @ 9:30 am | By TheFeministGriote | 3 Comments

Few months back my commitment to sisterhood was tested. I was asked by a very close friend of mine to accompany her to the free clinic so she could take an HIV test, because she had engaged in unprotected sex with her then boyfriend. It was a very emotional time for us both. I remembered my close call. I remembered how alone I felt when the enormity and severity of my actions had settled in. Grant it I was barely 20 at the time, but that was no excuse for not thinking. Since my close encounter I, like my friend have vowed to myself and to the higher power that I would value myself more and practice safe sex every time. That story leads me to the article I read online recently. Hip-hop’s favorite bastard child producer Will.I.Am gave an interview to Elle.com. During the interview Will.I.Am was asked by Elle a pretty normal question that gave the reader mainly women deep insights into the type of primitive knuckle dragging philosophy that Will.I.Am subscribes to.

ELLE: If you walked into a woman’s house, what one item would convince you that you weren’t compatible?”

W: If she had condoms in her house, that would just fuckin’ throw me off. That’s just tacky.

Tacky really?! Blacks makeup 12% of the U.S. population yet we account for 46% infected with HIV, but Will.I.Am finds it “tacky” if I as a Black woman keep condoms in my house. As women waiting for our men to do the right thing, keep it 100, or bring their own condoms is the very thing that has us at 46% infection rate.

As a modern woman I don’t feel “a certain type of way” when men carry condoms on their person, car, or have them readily accessible in their house. I don’t find that tacky, I view that as smart. The time to make adult rational decisions is not when you are butt-naked and panting. That would not be the ideal time to run to the local CVS, Walgreens, or WalMart for some condoms. The truth is that for some folk  if condom(s) are not already present and in reach many will succumb and be swept up by the wave of the moment!

I also believe that protection should be a shared responsibility. Men shouldn’t be the only ones allowed or expected to carry condoms. Women should also take the initiative to carry protection as well. That way no one person is the gatekeeper of sex. Personally, if I can’t jive with a man’s politics I can’t vibe with him sexually EVER! Women should not be judged by men or other women for being smart and sexually prepared.

It’s our body and we must advocate for it and we should never allow a man to talk us out of our own agency. It’s funny that Will.I.Am  sees no problem in performing in black face in 2011 and more importantly he doesn’t see the gravity in saying “I stay niggerrific” in his most recent collaboration with Nicki Minaj. This same man thinks its okay to throw us modern thinking women under the bus for being sexually responsible. I have two words for Will.I.Am  and his judgmental backwards thinking  NEGRO PLEASE!

Speak your piece…

Categories: Venus vs Mars

3 Responses to “ 21st century dating: Is it tacky for a woman to carry her own condoms? ”

  1. I typically ignore the comments and thoughts of most celebrities, but this dude pissed me off. How can we still be shaming people, particularly women, about being sexually active and responsible about it? This is just another reason why HIV/AIDS & other STIs will continue to spread in our communities. Many women will read his comment and not take the necessary steps to take care of themselves because they don’t want to seen as “slutty,” or “tacky.” It’s pure BS. Ultimately, the only person who is going to be responsible for my sexual health is me and if I want to have a boxes and boxes of condoms all around my house(and dental damns, and gloves etc.)I will. I won’t be ashamed of it neither. If you have a problem, then you can leave.

  2. MsPowerBitch | May 2, 2011 12:41 pm

    Just when you have hope, Ignorance comes in &&& looks you right in the face, before I heard that Will said this I didn’t believe it (just can’t be true) but when I saw the transcript of the Interview I was like “WOW”, so people really feel this way? It is so crazy, to me that majority of society feels it is the Woman’s responsibility not to end up pregnant, protect herself, &&& take the necessary precautions BUT then you have this! I feel for a Woman to have condoms in her possession means, she is conscious, aware, and prepared to say the least. Like you stated, when you are in that moment the last thing you worry about is a condom, let’s be real. You believe that if he pulls out all is fine. Right? Men, like Will for that simple statement he said so much I am still appalled because I know he is not the only Man or even Woman that may feel this way. Crazy!

  3. As a man, I’d like to think I’m holding myself to a higher standard of accountability in that I shoudln’t have to transfer that responsibility [being prepared] over to a woman. If we are going to be in each other’s company and I’m without condom it’s a statement that my intentions are not to become intimate. I’ve recently shared an experience where I was actually in that exact situation. Cuddling turned into an escalated experience that I stopped because I was without condom. Ironically, she had one on hand. And I must admit it did throw me off, a little. We did have sex in this instance (who woudl turn that down), however, I was not my usual passionate and fully engaged self due to my intentions being redirected and that barrier being crossed (that was our first sexual encounter) prematurely in my opinion.

    I agree wholly that “the time to make adult rational decisions is not when you are butt-naked and panting.” However, I don’t abandon the pace of a relationship being set by a man. In doing so I honestly believe the culture we’ve been brainwashed into will unravel by the thread. Women sharing in the role as “gate-keeper” to sex is cool and all, but I honestly wonder if that would lead to more women asking men out on dates, asking to buy them drinks and proposing to men. Certainly theres nothing wrong with all of those things but shouldn’t there be some sort of balance or gender identity preserved as to who should be the gate-keeper of what?

    “Women should not be judged by men or other women for being smart and sexually prepared.” This is abosultely true! As long as men aren’t judged by women and other men for the reactions to the lifestyle of “The Prepaed Woman.”

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