Sep 27, 2010 @ 10:29 am | By TheFeministGriote | 5 Comments
On Sunday September 19, 2010 VH1 debuted its new reality series which chronicles the days leading up to the nuptials of La La Vasquez to NBA superstar Carmelo Anthony. In the first episode Tyrese Gibson imparts these very simple and thoughtful words to La La. These words filled me with a bevy of mixed emotions. On one hand its imperative that as human beings we always seek to surround ourselves with like-minded individuals that will encourage us to do our best no matter the station we are currently in life . That goes for both married and single people. It also reminded me of all the friendships I have lost either to marriage or to a long-term relationship and the comment also put me on the defense because I am the perpetual single friend and I don’t feel like I am a bad influence on a married or seriously committed female friend.
If we survey La La’s closet friends we can definitely see a pattern of single women. Kelly Rowland is single, Serena Williams is single, Ciara is single, Trina is single, and of course Kim Kardashian who is definitely not the poster child for monogamy. Based on this roster of friends I can fully understand Tyrese and his admonishment towards La La. But the problem with Tyrese’s comment is the underline message and that message is that all single women are amoral and have the ability to corrupt “good pious married women.” Its that age old adage that a woman is either a wife or a whore. Too many married men and women feel that marriage gives them this moral superiority over all those who are not married. I do agree that if you are in a serious committed relationship and you are married your relationship should take precedence and therefore you can’t hang out with us ‘single folk’ as much as you did before, but at the same time you should not be quick to abandon all your single female friends.
Friendship should be valued and respected and shouldn’t be tossed aside because a friend is not yet married. If you have a friend that truly loves you and wants the best for you she will lead not lead you astray. One of my biggest challenges with this advice given to La La is the fact that its rarely ever given to men actually, there really isn’t a need to impart this advice to men. No man is going to dump his friends just because he’s married. Men rent a tuxedo, go the wedding, and continue with their lives and friendships intact with no regard whether one friend is married or not. Too often women are the ones who want to throw out all their old friendships to join the elite and exclusive club of the Stepford wives. Why do women have to trade in their friends when men get to keep theirs?
What do you think should married women sever their ties with their single friends in order to be that virtuous woman and should this advice be given to men as well?
Categories: Venus vs Mars