Beware of the Single Women!!!

Sep 27, 2010 @ 10:29 am | By TheFeministGriote | 5 Comments
“Why are you not hanging out with married women who have been married for a long time? You can’t be in the spirit of being married, hanging out with a bunch of single people. I’m not telling you to get rid of all of your friends but they are not in the same space that you are in…” Tyrese Gibson (quote taken from NecoleBitchie.com)

On Sunday September 19, 2010 VH1 debuted its new reality series which chronicles the days leading up to the nuptials of La La Vasquez to NBA superstar Carmelo Anthony. In the first episode Tyrese Gibson imparts these very simple and thoughtful words to La La. These words filled me with a bevy of mixed emotions. On one hand its imperative that as human beings we always seek to surround ourselves with like-minded individuals that will encourage us to do our best no matter the station we are currently in life . That goes for both married and single people. It also reminded me of all the friendships I have lost either to marriage or to a long-term relationship and the comment also put me on the defense because I am the perpetual single friend and I don’t feel like I am a bad influence on a married or seriously committed female friend.

If we survey La La’s closet friends we can definitely see a pattern of single women. Kelly Rowland is single, Serena Williams is single, Ciara is single, Trina is single, and of course Kim Kardashian who is definitely not the poster child for monogamy. Based on this roster of friends I can fully understand Tyrese and his admonishment towards La La. But the problem with Tyrese’s comment is the underline message and that message is that all single women are amoral and have the ability to corrupt “good pious married women.”  Its that age old adage that a woman is either a wife or a whore. Too many married men and women feel that marriage gives them this moral superiority over all those who are not married. I do agree that if you are in a serious committed relationship and you are married your  relationship should take precedence and therefore you can’t hang out with us ‘single folk’ as much as you did before, but at the same time you should not be quick to abandon all your single female friends.

Friendship should be valued and respected and shouldn’t be tossed aside because a friend is not yet married. If you have a friend that truly loves you and wants the best for you she will lead not lead you astray. One of my biggest challenges with this advice given to La La is the fact that its rarely ever given to men actually, there really isn’t a need to impart this advice to men. No man is going to dump his friends just because he’s married. Men rent a tuxedo, go the wedding, and continue with their lives and friendships intact with no regard whether one friend is married or not. Too often women are the ones who want to throw out all their old friendships to join the elite and exclusive club of the Stepford wives. Why do women have to trade in their friends when men get to keep theirs?

What do you think should married women sever their ties with their single friends in order to be that virtuous woman and should this advice be given to men as well?

Categories: Venus vs Mars

5 Responses to “ Beware of the Single Women!!! ”

  1. In my opinion, severing friends, regardless of relationship status, should be based on a friends behavior only.

    A married friend can be just as bad a influence as a single friend if they exude negative behavior. If a friend is bad for you, they must’ve always been bad for you. You just tolerated them, or used them to co-sign your own bad behavior while you were single. They don’t just suddenly become “bad influences” because you’re married now.

    Most of my friends are single, but they have always been good friends, known each other for years, since high-school. I’ve no need to sever their relationships because they respect the fact that I’m married, and that I may not be up to/able to do some of the things we used to do when we were ALL single. I have a wife and child to go home to now. Any “friend” that can’t understand that, or has a problem with it, is not really a friend in my book. Those are the ones you need to cut. Don’t cut just because their single.

  2. I agree that friends just don’t become “bad” over night! Behavior should be the criteria used to minimize or completely erase a friendship. Good friends will understand the change and support the new addition(s) to your life. I can’t hep, but to think that this is a non-issue in the male arena. I appreciate the male married perspective. Thanks for commenting!

  3. I think its ridiculous to drop your friends just because you are married or in a relationship. More women need to take a cue from the male species when it comes to friendships while dating or married – You can (& should) have both.

    One does not have to suffer for the other to prosper. Will the dynamic shift? Yes. But it’s about finding that balance. Should you constantly diss your wife/hubby or gf/bf to go hang out with your friends (married or single)? No. Of course not. Should you make your WHOLE life about your significant other? Heck NO. If you diss your friends for your SO what’s gonna happen if for some reason you break up or divorce? Who are you going to turn to when you are now single?

    People need to realize that not every friendship is going to last a lifetime. Friends come into your life for a reason. Some make it from teh sand box to the retirement home. Some are only your homie at school or work. Some you can talk to for hours & hours on end about absolutely nothing or everything. Friendship doesn’t just die because you are now boo’d up! If you drop friends at the drop of a hat for an SO then maybe just maybe you aren’t that good of a friend to begin with.

  4. @NYM AMEN from my experience when I was dropped for a husband that friendship was in the toilet already & that friendship was wearing me out so I thank GOD for that marriage. LOL!!!

  5. I didn’t see this episode, but I really hope he meant get rid of your bad friends and keep the good. Whether bad or single. To say get rid of all your single friends is ridiculous. He should do the same. Men and women need friends in their relationships. If you have no friends and all you do is focus on your significant other 24/7 they are going to want their space. When they know they are your only friend they may also use it against you. I don’t care how great your relationship is, things can change and that is a fact of life. If your friends are bad, you should know to get rid of them; your marital status should not matter. Whatever is applied to a woman in a marriage should also be applied to man. You can keep your friends and I will keep mine. They should trust each other enough to know that their significant other has a mind of their own. I personally am not influenced by friends.

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