My womb My terms: #NWNW

Oct 12, 2010 @ 1:30 pm | By TheFeministGriote | 1 Comment

“I don’t think anybody cares about unwed mothers unless they’re black or poor. The question is not morality, the question is money. That’s what we’re upset about.” -Toni Morrison

The revolution will not be televised it will be tweeted and blogged. On September 22, 2010 a movement was birthed and if you have been living under the proverbial rock have no fear I am here to clue you in. The movement that is the brain child of Christelyn D. Karazin  who drafted 100 bloggers to join in her fight these bloggers blogged in solidarity of this movement. The name of this said movement is called “No Wedding No Womb” or on twitter #NWNW. Once again the poor Black womb is under attack. Christelyn started this movement because of the 72% of Black children who are born out-of-wedlock. .That sounds like a worthy cause to lobby for right? Unfortunately, it appears that the underline theme of this movement appears to be rooted in shame, blame, and a one size fits all solution to a multi-layered problem. I  believe in the African based model of family called “the village” I believe that kids should be surrounded by loving adults who are all on the same page in regards to how to rear that child. I don’t necessarily believe that a two-parent household is the only and correct way to bring a child into this world. Parenting is very big undertaking that one should not casually fall into. Children require an extreme amount of time, resources, love, structure, and numerous other things that will ensure that they grow up to be happy well adjusted human beings. Everyone is NOT able to provide all of these things effectively or selfless enough to want to provide all of these things to a child.

I refuse to believe that single parents cannot raise productive members of society yes it is much harder alone, but not impossible. Just because couples marry doesn’t mean that they’re automatically equipped to do a better a job at parenting. Marriage is not a cure all for every societal problem. It’s 2010 we cannot shame people into adopting moral values that may be foreign or archaic to them. Kids need active, loving, present, and caring parents. The combination in which those things come in doesn’t  really matter. No Wedding No Womb only seeks to further the “heterosexual agenda” what about the LGBT men and women who want to be and are parents, but can’t marry legally? Studies show that children raised in LGBT households do better in school, are more tolerant, and better adjusted (but that is another blog for another day).

If you were raised in a single parent home and everyone you interact with was reared in a single parent home you don’t necessarily see that as a negative and quite frankly I don’t think it should be. I personally don’t believe that people who don’t have their finances and lives in order should enter into marriage or parenting, but that is my thought process I don’t expect everyone to adhere to that. I was reared in a two-parent household and I can see how I benefitted, but I still don’t think that someone who was reared in a single-parent home is doomed to be a crack-head, stripper, or a pimp. It is impossible to ask people who live right on the border of abject poverty who have little to no education to adopt the mores and value systems of educated middle class people.

The truth of the matter is if a woman such as myself chooses to have a child out-of-wedlock no one will question me because I have a degree, I am educated, and I am not from the hood, but if a woman who is poor has a child out-of-wedlock her womb is considered a weapon of mass destruction. That is classism and elitism at its worst. Instead of judging these men and women and starting a movement that essentially seeks to humiliate them we ” the enlightened folk” need to offer our help not our unsolicited  judgement to these men and women. Women need to know that they’re not baby making factories that they can have careers, travel the world, and be everything they’ve ever aspired to be including a mother if that is what they want. Like Dr. Maya Angelou says, “when you know better you do better,” but essentially you have to be taught another way doing things. I think Black women need to learn to separate the difference between sex for pleasure and sex with an intended purpose of procreating. Condoms and birth control need to become second-nature to us and of course we need to talk about parenting before we are confronted with the situation. I advocate for women embracing their agency and making their own decisions and not becoming a victim of circumstances, but at the same time not every women wants to be a wife. If and when I am ready to have a child I am going to have one with or without a man. I have that choice and I refuse to be told that my way is wrong, amoral, selfish, and bad for the cause. In the end we must advocate  for more choices for women not more labels, shame,or blame!

“Do you think single parent households is a detriment to “civilized society” or should we be more focused on strategic parenting no matter the combination they come in?” Please comment & lets discuss!

Categories: Venus vs Mars

One Response to “ My womb My terms: #NWNW ”

  1. I love what you’re saying here. I think it all comes down to a self-esteem issue. Not having to self-esteem to protect oneself from single motherhood until you are ready to be a single mother. I really don’t think we talk about low self-esteem enough in the black community, and it certainly doesn’t help that the MSM seems intent on telling black women they are undesirable. I consider my childhood pretty miserable, even though I hailed from a 2-parent household, but because I had such terrible self-esteem. One of the many pleasures of growing older has been correcting this issue, now I have high enough esteem to know what I want and go out and get it. However, I do see plenty of black women whose self-esteem levels are fairly low and I worry about them passing that on to the next generation.

    I worry because there seems to be a self-esteem movement going on among the well-off and educated that is not going on among the poor and uneducated. I think this will widen the achievement gap in the coming decades, but we’ll see.

    I don’t think that single mothers are a detriment to society. I do however think that truly wanting to have children is important in the raising of them. If you choose to get pregnant, that often means that you are financially and emotionally ready to be a mother. If a guy convinces you not to use a condom and you get pregnant, that’s a whole nother story. I think the wanting of children is very, very important to the whole business of having children.

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