Respect the Institution of Black Love

Oct 01, 2010 @ 9:34 am | By TheFeministGriote | 2 Comments

I don’t know what is worse when white people assert their white privilege and act as if they’re better than people of color or when people of color adopt the thinking that whites are better than brown and Black people simply because they’re white. I was on MadameNoire.com last night and I came across a racist, ignorant, and hysterically funny post by LaShaun Williams. The name of the article is “8 Reasons to date a White Man,” now there is nothing wrong with the title or with encouraging Black women to open up their minds to the possibility that maybe Mr. Right will be a white man instead of a chocolate Adonis, but the reasons that LaShaun Williams gave were just reprehensible, riddled with self-loathing, and just made absolutely no sense. The 8 reasons to date a white man are as follows:

1. They open wide instead of Down Low “Gay white men tend to be more forthcoming about their sexuality with family and friends.” Excuse me are we still on that are still obsessed about this down low phenomenon? First of all everyone no matter race, creed, religious beliefs or lack thereof, or sexual preference lies and not only Black men lie about their sexual history or practices. As Black women we need to stop feeding into this ridiculous notion that every Black man is on the down low. There was a time when I myself started buying into that frenzy until I realized that I was acting irrationally.  Every Black guy who hangs out with his homeboy isn’t secretly sleeping with him. As Black women if we continue to operate under this premise we will alienate our men. You should make it common practice to discuss your sexual past with your sexual partner, you should know your sexual partners status as to whether or not they’re HIV negative or positive, and you should be using a condoms every time you have sex PERIOD. This thinking that Black men are on the down low and are engaging in risky sex with other down low men is STUPID. The CDC has already come out with statistics that shows that heterosexual men are the ones who are infecting Black women and that gay men tend to get tested more and practice safer sex. It comes back to the ignorant pervasive thinking that “AIDS is a gay disease,” well if AIDS is a gay disease with the rapid rate of infections among heterosexuals its clear that heterosexuals have abolished that myth.

2. Not looking for someone to take care of them This makes no sense as a Black woman who has dated outside the color lines I find that there are some men who are looking for caretakers and then there are men who looking for a mate to be equal with them. That simple!

3. Attend and graduate from college “In white culture education is valued and expected. Thus, White men have no problem dating educated women  with advance degrees.” Now as a first generation Haitian-American I think I can say emphatically that no one takes education more seriously than an IMMIGRANT! Now in Black and Brown folks defense education is important its just that we don’t always have the disposable incomes to attend college. Almost every Black person I know did at least a semester at college, but for some reason be it financial, familial issues, pregnancy, or they just realized that college wasn’t for them they halted their education. I don’t think that Black men lose their erection once they find out that you have a degree and possibly make more money than him. It’s not that Black or white (no pun intended).

4. At least attempt to marry before making babies I hate when society and the media makes it seem that only Black people have babies out of wedlock. Its as if Black men and women are rabbits who are constantly procreating. I have watched enough of the Maury show to know that white people have kids outside of wedlock too.

5. They don’t glamorize ignorance So all the crazy people I see at the Tea Party rallies aren’t white okay!!!

6. Financial planning and stability To assume that because a man is white that he has money is self deprecating. Money woes have nothing to do with race. I think Americans as whole have a problem with consumerism and living outside of their means and trying to keep up with the Jones’s. That is an American thang not Black thang.

7. Have the ability to look beyond your past Promiscuous Black men think they deserve to settle down with virgins, and allow past relationships to haunt the present. Not white men. They have no problem  turning a hoe into a housewife.” This is literally Laugh Out Loud funny. I have never had a boyfriend tell me that I wasn’t wife or girlfriend material because  I wasn’t a virgin. Furthermore, is LaShaun Williams trying to assert the notion that all Black women have a hoe-ish background? Every woman Black or white has the right to explore her sexuality on whatever terms she deems necessary and last time I checked men don’t have a issue with converting a “hoe” into a housewife. Do I really need to go down the list of rappers who have dated and married “hoes?” PLEASE!

8. Don’t take everything as a challenge to their masculinity Why are we always trying to paint Black women as the evil ball busting superior thinking creature that is always trying to emasculate and feminize the Black man? That type of detrimental rhetoric only seeks to keep up us divided! Black men are not walking around with their ego’s pinned to their lapels or under their fitted hats. Sensitivity is a personal attribute not a cultural label.

I am a Black woman who loves Black men. There are certain behaviors that I will not accept from any man no matter his race or socioeconomic status. As Black people we get very upset when white people treat stereotypes like they’re gospel why then do we think its okay for us to do the same?

Tell me what do you think. Do the reasons make sense or is the writer LaShaun Williams perpetuating negative Black male stereotypes?

Categories: Venus vs Mars

2 Responses to “ Respect the Institution of Black Love ”

  1. Eh, the “reasons” are laughable. I mean really? Seriously? What was said is so ignorant and irrational that I can only assume they wrote it just to get a “rise” out of people.

    Every race has the exact same “issues” as every other race. Every race has members that are financially unstable, closet homosexuals, criminal minded, close minded, ignorant, wife beaters, racists, snobs, rich, poor, loving, intelligent, honorable, sneaky, hateful, constructive, jealous, etc.

    I mean we all have the same issues. Show me one race/society that does not have any of these issues in one way, shape, or form. The media/public may choose to focus on the issues of one race more than others, of course, because then it takes the focus off of them. They are always trying to keep you focused on something else other than what’s “really” going on.

    In the big scheme of things, who is LaShaun Williams anyway? Honestly, I don’t know who they are, and seemingly from the article you’ve mentioned, I’m better off not knowing.

  2. I agree maybe it was written to get a rise out of people, but its still very damaging for a Black online female magazine to publish something so damning & damaging about our Black men.

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