“The Colored Single Girl Chronicles” Part 4

Aug 23, 2010 @ 11:02 am | By TheFeministGriote | 1 Comment

She tears you down Darling
Says you’re nothing at all
But I’ll pick you up Darling
When she lets you fall
You’re like a diamond
And she treats you like glass
Yet you make it hard to love you
But Babe don’t ask
if i was your woman  (Gladys Knight)

One of my favorite albums is the Alicia Keys “Unplugged” album and she does a beautiful rendition of the Gladys Knight’s  song “If I was your woman” such beautiful irony. Its as if Alicia Keys was singing into existence her torrid love affair with fame hip-hop producer Swizz Beatz. Keys has been rumored to be with Swizz Beatz for over three years well before his divorce was final. Then there is our favorite American Idol who dropped out of high school, became a young single mother, semi-illiterate who won our hearts with every note she sang  Fantasia. Who is also affectionately known within the Black community  as ‘Fanny’. Fantasia who is rarely the recipient of bad press other than when her house was in foreclosure for $50k  has know found herself in an avalanche of negative press over her relationship with Antwaun Cook a married T-mobile salesman that Fantansia is being sued  by Paula Cook (Antwaun’s wife)  for ruining her marriage and essentially wooing her husband. When news of the lawsuit  broke the next news we heard  in regards to Fantasia was her being found in her closet haven taken several aspirin pills in conjunction with sleeping pills and she was rushed to a hospital in North Carolina.

We have two similar stories, but two extremely different endings. Alicia Keys was not really vilified for her role in the demise of Swizz Beatz marriage after Swizz Beatz divorce was final Keys married her love and of course she was very pregnant at the nuptials which is a further sign that Keys was having a full blown relationship with a man who in the eyes of the law was still very much married. One woman got her breakthrough and the other woman a break down. One woman got a fairy tale wedding while the other one has a pending lawsuit, mental issues, and of course our public disdain. If you are an avid reader of this blog than you have read my piece on colorism and in my humble opinion the reason that Alicia Keys has not received the same harsh criticism that Fanatasia has been subjected to is because Keys is “prettier” and of lighter-skin. I believe that if both women shared the same features they would share the same Scarlett letter. Fantasia’s situation is very sad and heart-breaking because she attempted to take her life. I am not a mental health specialist therefore, I am not equipped to speak on her mental fortitude nor am I going to say that her relationship with Antwaun Cook is the sole reason for her breakdown, but obviously it was a major trigger that fueled the situation.

I am not trying to dissect either situation nor am I trying to be the moral police, but there are critical lessons that we single women can learn from both situations. We all know the ten commandments whether you subscribe to them or not you are familiar with the rules and of the rules clearly states, thou shall not covet thy neighbors house; mate. Easier said than done right? We all at some point or another have coveted thy neighbors everything. Be it their car, house, job, and of course our favorite object  of covetousness our neighbors mates. We all have secretly lusted over someone we couldn’t have, but the difference is that some of us act on our impulses. If you have been single for a long time and if you are the type of woman that equates her worth by whether on not you are in a relationship it is very easy to fall for a married or attached man. Men who are married/attached can smell desperation from a mile away. We single women are not damsels in distress that need to be protected from the big bad married wolf, but we are a target.

I don’t subscribe to the ridiculous notion that one human being can “take” someones mate from them. That is absurd! People are not toys or stocks that can be traded or stolen. I do believe that introducing a new element to a volatile relationship that is already in critical condition can be a recipe for utter disaster. I have been flirted with and aggressively pursued by married guys and of course when I ask them why are they  attempting to indulge me in an act that is contrary to their vows they all start lamenting about how “their wives aren’t this or that”. Now if you are single and your self esteem and self worth is not deeply routed in a sound solid foundation any guy who is persistent enough can and will convince you to compromise on your morals and standards whether he is an axe-murder or married philanderer . I understand that being single is not equivalent to winning to the lotto, but what perks are there in being the mistress? You are constantly on borrowed time, you don’t have free access to the object of your affection, and most importantly you are not the top priority. Fleeting sexual encounters, gifts, and monetary support doesn’t equal to a fully functional relationship. Just because you are single doesn’t mean you are for sale you deserve your own man not one tied up in another relationship. Truth is Alicia Keys got lucky Swizz Beatz  impregnated her and then he ultimately  married her. So on the outside she has the happy ending, but there is one great factor that we must not rule out which is the karma factor. Right now she is happy and content, but we don’t know how the story will end. You can’t build a healthy thriving relationship on the residue of a failed miserable relationship that you yourself aided in the demise of. You exist 365 and deserve to have a mate that can be there all the time of you want them to be!


One Response to “ “The Colored Single Girl Chronicles” Part 4 ”

  1. At the beginning I felt bad for Fantasia because she tried to take her life as a result of her relationship with this married man, I understand that noone is perfect and we all have had a laspe of good judgement before. However, days later she is doing photo ops with this guy that supposedly lied to her about his marriage for an upcoming tv show with the two of them. I don’t want to come off too harsh saying this, but she deserves whatever is coming to her. Regarless if that marriage was already broken or falling apart or whatever she wants to call it, it does not take away from the fact that he was still lawfully married, and that it would still hurt the wife once she found out. As far as Alicia Keys is concern, what goes around comes around. Take the Mel Gibson story as a prime example of Karma.

© 2014 The Feminist Griote, All rights reserved. Web Design in Miami