“Who do I have to be to get some reciprocity?”: Vanessa vs. Kobe Bryant

Jan 09, 2012 @ 10:26 am | By TheFeministGriote | 5 Comments

On the song the “Ex-Factor” Lauryn Hill asked this simple yet profound question, “who do I have to be to get some reciprocity?” Any person who has ever been in an unrequited love affair, has pondered and maybe even asked some variation of this question aloud. In our society it’s often expected that we remain faithful and loyal to things/people/places/thoughts even when they’ve ceased to fit our current state of self. Loyalty appears to be more  romanticized and courted than love. Our music, movies, and our current political climate all want to keep us loyal even to our own detriment. Urban gangster films and mob films both have the same two loyal stock characters in them, the faithful friend who takes the fall for everyone and of course the glorified “ride or die” chick.

Loyalty in any relationship is not bad, but blind unquestioning loyalty is both foolish and dangerous. Women are socialized to hold their man and the home front down even when she is neglected, mistreated, and abused. It’s not that the men we love do not know what loyalty is, they’re socialized in the same society. The difference is that some men are socialized to be loyal to everyone and everything else except the woman they claim to romantically love. These men are loyal to their block, vices, colors, their talent, or their homies. Some men are willing to die for their homies do life standing on their head for their homies, but for their women honesty, monogamy, and a consistent presence proves to be too arduous a task. It is so homoerotic and ironically poetic the way some heterosexual men view their relationship with their boys, but have nothing other than disdain for every woman other than their mother.

By now the world knows that Vanessa and Kobe Bryant are getting a divorce, we also know that they did not have a prenuptial agreement. Quite frankly who cares. Celebrities, like us regular folk, break up all the time and like us regular folks divorce. I don’t recall Kobe being declared incompetent and unable to make adult decisions. Which means that if he was old enough to be drafted into the NBA and make millions before age 21, then clearly he was old enough to bet against his interest and marry without a prenuptial agreement.What has me upset is a recent video that I viewed this weekend by Drake, Rick Ross, and French Montana the video is for the song, “Stay schemin,” in it Drake who has all of a sudden become thugnificent is throwing Vanessa Bryant under the bus. In the song Drake says,

Kobe bout to lose 150 M’s. Kobe my n*gga. I hate it had to be him. B*tch, you wasn’t wit me shootin in the gym.”

The only factual and sensical comment in that line/song is that true indeed Vanessa was not in the gym when Kobe was practicing for the bevy of championship rings that he currently has. But when Kobe was on trial for his life facing rape charges, Vanessa was sitting next to him during that painfully awkward press conference. Not his teammates, not his mother and father, not his boys, but his wife, the woman who he cheated on that sordid night in Denver. Vanessa was the one at his side holding his hand walking through Dante’s inferno with Kobe. Vanessa was also the only person who stood with Kobe after all hope appeared to be lost. Only Kobe and that woman will ever know if that sex was consensual or not!

Everybody, meaning mainly men, are so quick now to call Vanessa a gold-digger. 10 years of marriage, two children later, and rape accusation weathered is not the resume of a gold-digger, sounds more like a partner.Vanessa Bryant has proven her loyalty and does not need the likes of Drake calling her a bitch and dragging her name and character through the mud. Why is the Drake so worried about Kobe’s pockets? If anything, I think Drake should be more concerned with the financial solvency of YMCMB and it’s owners. According to reports Kobe has never left his cheating ways, but Vanessa is expected to be loyal to the bitter end? What about Kobe doesn’t he owe his wife some loyalty after all he is the one who married her? Why does Kobe’s pockets deserve sympathy and respect, but not Vanessa? Surely the woman who birthed his kids and stood behind him as he rebuilt his career deserves our sympathy, if not our sympathy, at the very least our respect!

What do you think? Discuss…

Categories: Venus vs Mars

5 Responses to “ “Who do I have to be to get some reciprocity?”: Vanessa vs. Kobe Bryant ”

  1. Great post! Regardless of what’s truly in Vanessa’s heart, I still fault Kobe. Even if Vanessa married him for a meal ticket, it’s still his fault. I don’t agree with prenups simply because that means your marriage is a sham to begin with. My thing is: Kobe should have known that an 18-year old girl that he met at a music video may or may not be a gold digger. That doesn’t mean that Vanessa is, because she’s been a lot more supportive of him than he deserved. But, it’s possible. So, as far as Drake is concerned, Kobe is the one who dropped the ball on this. If she is a gold digger, then he chose her. If she isn’t a gold digger, then he lied and cheated on a good woman.

    Either way, #24 is to blame.

  2. v did not marry for love. you live in cali you know the right people you get the truth he was set up from jump she married for money with her mother schooling her the entire way including telling v do not leave until the 10 year mark and you will be paid. She is NOT nice she is demanding unkind cruel and ignorant. If you married a mean witch you would cheat too. Kobe should have bailed once he saw the real her. They were both wrong.

  3. I absolutely agree with this article completely this woman has put in her fair share as a spouse to the world’s most recognized athlete and it seems as if because his dumb behind failed to have a pre-nup Vanessa is the villian. No not at all, she was not a jump off sleeping with kobe but a lover, friend, mother of his children and confidant and wife she represented him and his last name when he himself defamed it in Colorado in which we will never know what actually happened with that other female, but she was there throughout it all the pay out is justified when no pre-nup is signed I wish her well in her future endeavors and pray she won’t be on next seasons basketball wives.

  4. This is a really great post. I could not agree more. Living in a misogynist society it is painful but no surprise that Vanessa is expected to suffer and be loyal till the bitter end. The fact that she wasn’t in the gym but raising their kids, a thankless job makes her nothing. I am outraged at the fact that

  5. being a woman, a mother, a loyal wife, a supporter in the midst of betrayal means nothing, but then again this is the reality we live in.

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